Two Year of Pregnancy-- Part Two.. My Vivi

So I'm a few days from having our Vivian Leigh and I. AM. PUMPED!!!!!
There are quite a few reasons I'm pumped. One being, I have totally hated the hormones this pregnancy.  They are AWFUL. At some points, I have been.. tolerable. But, for the most part.. I am a hot mess. Another reason I'm pumped is because my body has hated me this pregnancy. I am so sore, all the time.. I've been hobbling around for about 20 weeks. And if I sit on the ground.. Lord knows I'm not getting up without assistance (which, as you can imagine, is quite difficult with a toddler). But the reason I am MOST pumped.. is to meet this little girl. I'm SO SO SO anxious to meet her. What color hair will she have? How big? What kind of personality? Will the same tricks I used with Bryn work with her? Eeeeek! Such a sweet little mystery!!!! :-)

This pregnancy started out on somewhat of a sad note. We unexpectedly found out we were pregnancy mid March. We were in shock. I hadn't been tracking my menstrual cycle because I had been pregnant.. and then breastfeeding.. so when I randomly wondered if I was pregnant, the positive test was a complete surprise. We were uneasy at first.. I mean, we had a 3 month old. How were we going to do this.. again and so soon. We were nervous, but quickly  became excited for Bryn to have a sibling so close in age. We knew it would be hard.. but Jake and I are totally up for any challenge. We weren't really sure how far along I was.. like I said, we hadn't tracked anything so we made an appointment for a few weeks later to find out how far along I was. Unfortunately, the day before that appointment, I started heavily bleeding. And.. to spare the details, I ended up miscarrying. We were devastated. If you are a close friend, or even family member and didn't know.. know that we barely spoke about it. It really is only now that I am completely at peace with it. Because of that surprise little Miller angel, we decided we WERE ready to have another and that although we knew it would be difficult, we thought Bryn would love having a sibling so close in age. So yes, this pregnancy was planned.. but it wasn't our plan all along. God had a whole plan for us that he hadn't told us about. And although we still get sad from time to time, we know this little Vivian wouldn't exist without our little angel baby. All in His time.

So, a month and a half later, we became pregnant. We were nervous about how quickly it happened and were hesitant to tell people. But we were excited.

This pregnancy was a lot different then Bryn's. I was sick like Bryn's.. but I was an emotional mess. I think between the hormones from the miscarriage and the new pregnancy so close together.. it made me a hot mess. And honestly, it lasted essentially this whole pregnancy. My feelings get hurt extra easily, things that typically wouldn't phase me feel like life/death, and my poor husband has had do deal with it all. I have my good days. But, not enough to make up for my bad ones. In fact, we swore from day 1 that this HAD to be a boy. I felt so different.. must be a boy, right?!

Here was our little announcement! Look at our little one, announcing she is becoming a "big" sister. 

 With Bryn, we waited until our 21 week appointment to find out the sex. We weren't in any rush. This pregnancy, I was DYING to know. We knew the due date was just a month after Bryn's birthday... so if it was another girl, we needed nothing but diapers. a crib and such. If it was a boy, we needed a ton. So.. we went to a facility in Springboro called Bright Beginnings at 15 weeks to find out the sex and get 3D ultrasound. SO much fun. Jake's mom (his dad was working), my parents and my grandma all came.. and we found out it was another GIRL! Eeeeekkk! We would've been happy with anything, but I think it'll be so fun to have two girls so close in age.. and already having almost everything we need is a huge plus! :-)

When Gary got off work, Bryn greeted him with the news! Big sister is getting a little sister!!! 

I didn't take many pictures this pregnancy.. mostly because I felt like I had a million extra pounds on me to begin with.. and then started gaining baby weight. Only towards the end of this pregnancy did I realize, WHO CARES?! We went to Florida with my family that June. My husband couldn't join because he had just started a new job. But, my family never has the opportunity to spend long extended periods of time with my girl, and I didn't mind the extra work to take her to Florida.. so off we went. It was a blast, but I'll never go without him again. We missed him and I felt awful having firsts without him around.

 My sweet lil family of 3.. with the 4th in my belly!!! :-)

Couple of weddings this summer with my Vivi belly

 Strawberry festival! Doesn't Bryn look like just a teeny tiny babe.. not a BIG sister to be?!

Aaaaand.. the baby bump starts progressing. I think I was 22 weeks here..

                                  That bump is so convenient for holding this chunk! ;-)

About the fall is when my body began to fall apart. Evenings were the worst.. I would get soooo sore. I blame a lot of it on the weight I still had on me from Bryn's pregnancy. I naturally have a little frame (you can't tell much anymore).. and all this weight really took a toll on my body. Sciatic pain, back pain, swelling.. it began extra early this pregnancy. It also doesn't help that I was chasing a toddler. I would get so down on myself when I couldn't do something.. I have heavily relied on Jake since about late September. That is hard for me because I want to be able to do it all. It actually got better towards the very end. But looking back at these pictures.. I know I was struggling.

 Jake's Christmas Party for work. 36.5 weeks prego. Oyyyy!

 38 weeks pregnant.. girly Christmas jammie party! Couldn't miss out on fun with my girls.. especially when it the attire was so perfect for a super prego lady.

 Aside from my emotions and my body hurting, Vivian has been a little joy to have in my belly. Every time I would start to get down, she would move.. a ton.. and it reminds me WHY I'm doing this. She has been way more active than Bryn. My blood pressure never was higher than 130/80.. and the majority of the time it was 120/70. Jake has been a HUGE help to me and has really gone above and beyond. Does he get annoyed with me? Duh. Does he think I'm a drama queen? Definitely. But he rarely shows it. He has been a gem and I can't wait to start this new chapter with him (and remind him how awesome I am when I'm not pregnant hehehe).

Over the past couple of weeks, my body has progressed from 1 1/2 cm dilated.. to 3cm.. to now 4cm. My body never did that with Bryn. We are getting sooooo close! We will have a new addition to our family by the end of the weekend.. and as I said at the beginning.. I AM PUMPED!!!!

2 years of Pregnancy-- Part One (Bryn)

In March of 2013, I became pregnant with my daughter, Bryn Marie. She was born November 27, 2013. In April of 2014, I found out I was pregnant again. And now I'm within a week of delivering my second daughter, Vivian Leigh. I feel like I've been pregnant for two entire years. I can't wait to have two beautiful girls within 13 months of each other.. but boy is my body tired!

Let me just tell you, if you THINK about taking a pregnancy test.. even if you think it's going to be negative.. make sure your husband is HOME first. I made the mistake of taking it while Jake was playing darts. Then, nonchalantly asking him a million times when he would be home. I was FREAKING OUT.. in a good way! We had planned to start trying.. but never thought it would happen so fast. WOW! I remember laying in bed saying "Hey, I want to show you something!" and showing him the positive test. Then following it up with "and juuuuust in case you're unsure if it's true.. here are two more showing the same!". We were pumped. There were tears, lots of hugs.. we were a hot mess.

We tracked down my parents and his parents the next day. We bought cute little onesies and wrapped them up for both sets of grandparents. My nieces opened up the one for my in-laws. Chaos ensued. I have pictures.. and a video.. but I can't find them. Hmmm. Here are my parents, brother and grandparents finding out..

 

I found out I was pregnant the week I was going to Florida with my husband and his buddy Bo. We planned the trip last minute because I was starting a new job and Jake had time off to burn.. so, we went to Destin in April of 2013. It was a blast, but I'll never forget the attempt at the drive back. Boyyyy, was I sick!!! We had to pull over on the back roads.. a LOT! Poor guys! That week, I was really craving girly drinks. Here I was sipping on a virgin Miami Vice. Mmmm!

This was my first mother's day. Not exactly what it means to me now, actually seeing Bryn. But I was so excited at church because they blessed the mothers and gave me a rose. But, we were secretive about it because people didn't know yet! ;-)

I was really sick with Bryn until about 12 weeks, then I felt great!!! I had actually lost weight initially but don't worry, I totally gained it back!!! Jake told everyone he was going to keep me pregnant all the time because I was just sooooo sweet! I'm pretty sure he is regretting saying that now, because I am a WHOLE different person with Vivi.. but I'll get to that later! ;-)

Last week of my old job! They knew I was prego! :-) 

 Jake's dad turned 50 and here we are at his surprise party! I was the lucky DD that night. Lots of funny memories!!!!

 12 week appointment! It got real!!!

 Mid June, my mom's extended family always goes to Florida. We were so lucky to have two vacations within a couple of months. I was obviously feeling really good going Deep Sea Fishing..

 16-20 weeks! :-)

 Bryn made it to a John Mayer concert that summer with my aunt! I remember feeling so fat.. but how stinking perfect was I?!

 At the end of July, I was 21 weeks along. And there was a hiccup in the pregnancy. I had just found out that we were having a girl. No one knew at this point except for Jake and I. We were planning a gender reveal with my main people that Friday night. I had worked Thursday night, went home Friday morning.. and took about a 4 hour sleep. I woke up feeling great and excited to tell everyone that Baby Miller was now named Baby Bryn. However, after showering, I went to text my husband to ask him where to get a large box (for our balloon reveal). As I was texting him, I realized what I was trying to text and what was actually on the screen didn't align. I was by myself, but I started saying outloud "Where can I get a box".. but to me, it sounded like everything was slurred. I called my mom (she's a speech pathologist.. which I didn't think about at the time.. but proved to be helpful.. I just wanted my mom because I felt weird).. when she answered I said "Mom? I feel really weird." Calm as anything, my mom said "Okay Ashley, hang up and call 911.. I'm on my way okay?". Such a strange response, right? I said (kinda) "Are you sure? Do you think I'm okay?" And she responded "You're fine, but I think you're having a stroke." (my speech was definitely slurred, and the words I trying to say.. weren't the words that were coming out of my mouth)
Scary. So scary. Taking myself back through that moment and the following moments were some of the scariest I've ever had. I called 911.. tried to explain what was going on. When the dispatcher asked for my birthday, I couldn't think of the actual numbers. I said "Umm.. it's on a.. holiday. Ya know, when things go boom??.." 4th of July.. I couldn't think of the words 4th of July. When the EMT arrived, they asked if I had taken any drugs. No.. I kept trying to tell them "the only thing I do that I shouldn't while pregnant is drink coffee". But I couldn't make my mouth say any of those words. I just kept pointing to my coffee machine. It's crazy to think about. I was so conscious of everything I was doing, my brain just wouldn't communicate with my mouth. My blood pressure was sky high. I was terrified. By the time I arrived in the ER, I was starting to be able to communicate better. I told the EMT, "I promise I'm not dumb.. I'm actually a nurse here". Because, I sounded.. DUMB!
All in all, my blood pressure came down. By the time I was admitted for observation, I felt fine. I was able to communicate. Jake stayed with me all night. No episodes. I had a minor headache, but probably due to my blood pressure being up. Overall, I was diagnosed with two possible things. A migraine induced by pregnancy or a TIA. To this day, I don't really know what happened or what brought it on. Nothing like it has happened since, and Bryn was perfectly fine throughout everything. But, it was definitely terrifying. Wow.


I was released the next day. I told Jake I still wanted to do a gender reveal.. and we did. And it was GREAT!

Growing baby! I think I took this while I was packing my apartment up to move into our first house. Because.. getting pregnant and starting a new job wasn't enough for one year.. why not move, too?! ;-) 

I'll be honest though.. I was a champ. I was so chill about the whole process. Looking back, I should've freaked out a little more.. that's what humans do!

 Moving day.. I really did nothing except sit on a chair and direct people where to go. Rough move! ;-) Hey Jake, next time we decide to move.. give me about 6 months notice.. I think I'll plan to be pregnant again then.. hehehe! :-)

 Nieces loved my baby Bryn belly

 The last trimester. Ohhh.. I just loved that pregnancy!!! I felt so good.

 On November 26, 2013, I had a doctor's appointment in the morning after working the night shift. My blood pressure was up.. I was swollen.. and the doctor said it was time to give Bryn an eviction notice.. like, that night. I went into the hospital that night and was induced. Just Jake and I were in the delivery room, and I LOVED THAT! We had a few bumps in the road.. but at 3:29pm November 27th, my baby girl came into the world at a respectable 8lbs 14oz.

 Sweet, sweet perfection.

As chill as I was throughout the pregnancy, that's how nuts I was after. Looking back, I definitely experience some postpartum blues. I cried, a lot. I hurt, a lot. I relied on my husband, a lot. The hospital stay was awful. The staff was great, food was great, Bryn was easy. It was all in my head. I was a nut ball. I needed my mom.. ALL. THE. TIME. And, have since. Haha! I chilled out after about a month. I was super in love with my baby.. just felt like I had no idea what I was doing, and was extremely hard on myself. I'm hoping after Vivian, I am not as crazy.. I'm sure Jake hopes the same.

Okay, way long. Looks like there will have to be a part two! ;-)