Surgery Day

This was the big day. The day Dr. Mangano (neurosurgeon) would fix my girl.

The night before was... Rough. Lots of visitors, which I welcomed. The last thing Jake and I needed was to be looking at each other sad. My sister-in-law, Heather, and my one year old nephew, Deacon, were spending the night. We figured this would be easier on everyone. Bryn and Aubrey would wake up in their own house. And we could get some rest in our own bed before we went to fix my babe.

Boy oh boy were we silly. It was the most chaotic night I've had in a long time. Vivi was up crying for milk but couldn't have any because of her surgery. Aubrey was up ready to rave. Deacon was up because the wind and Vivi screaming woke him. Vivi ended up in our bed but is super restless so both Jake and I were wide awake. Lordy. I didn't go to bed until 330am. My alarm was set for 420am....

Or so I thought. At 545am Jake woke me up. We were supposed to be at surgery at 6am. As you can imagine, I was so  stressed. We made it in the car by 555am and were on our way. Phew! Everyone was very understanding. I was so concerned they would cancel her surgery. I would have just died. But they never rushed anything and were so sweet to us.

I was going to go for the "I'm losing my mind but I look really put together" look.. but... I didn't quite pull it off in those few chaotic minutes in the morning! I pretty much just LOOKED like someone losing her mind while actually losing my mind!

When Vivi had her MRI, they gave her versed (a form of valium) and it made her giggly and care free. She waved goodbye to us heading back to get her IV. We expected the same this time. They were planning on putting her lines in back in the OR to be very sterile so they gave her versed. Jake carried our little girl as far as we could go (they let us carry her back, which I thought was sweet). But.. she screamed being handed off. And it was awful. I broke down, Jake was super strong. Later, Jake told me he was getting ready to break down, but as soon as I did he knew he had to be strong. We can't both crash at the same time. We have been alternating this whole process. God, I love that guy. 

We knew we had a couple hours of prep ahead before actual surgery. They took her back around 745am. At 10am, they still hadn't made an incision because after they put her lines in, they flipped her to her belly for surgery and her central line moved. They couldn't reposition it to get it in the right spot. The surgeon said "buckle up for a long day" at this point. They ended up deciding to put a large IV in instead of try the central line again (infection risk) or start a PICC line. The surgeon and nurse updated us at this point. 

The first incision was at 1135am. Much later than expected. Every 90-120 minutes they would update us. It was great. The first update, the nurse called from the OR. "Hey everything is going great! She's great!" So, they didn't even need to talk to us in person, cool!!! 

The second update was called by the nurse to the secretary and written down for us "Things are going fantastic". For some people, they would need more. I needed nothing. No news is good news. They were so sharp and quick to update us on the central line complication, that I knew if anything was going slightly wrong, they would tell us. Nope, everything was fantastic. At that point, I walked to Chipotle with my mom and dad. I walked a LOT yesterday. I don't sit well. 

The third update was a written message, and it brings tears to my eyes "The tumor is out and we are stitching her up." 

THE TUMOR IS OUT. Oh my god. I danced, in front of God and everyone. Jake is super jealous of my dance moves so he had to announce I wasn't having a seizure, just dancing. Jealousy is so ugly. Haha!!!

2 hours later, the surgeon was talking to us. He thinks he got it all. He looked with some type of high magnitude ultrasound device and didn't see any tumor left. She will have an MRI today to double check. He said "I don't expect any surprises." And he's not a super warm and fuzzy, gonna make you feel good kinda guy. When he says something, I know he means it. He said everything went really smooth. She never lost function of any of her limbs!!!! (Baseline, her right side is weaker than her left. Who cares.) She will likely have some sensation issues temporarily. 

He said the "odd" part is the tumor. The pathologist at the bedside seems to think it is either a low grade tumor (if it's grade 1, no chemo.. if it's grade 2.. maybe). OR a inflammatory tumor. Which puzzles him as well. I googled, and honestly.. didn't see much. I asked if that is better or worse and he said "I mean, it's not bad". We won't know any real results for a week. I don't like to speculate and get my hopes up. But.. it's a really good sign at the got it all. We were afraid he would have to leave a "rind" of tumor and treat it with chemo. She would have a very high chance of it returning if he had to leave part of it. 

To be totally honestly, my girl being able to MOVE was my biggest hurdle for the day. I just don't know how I would go through life with a baby who couldn't move. And I don't have to find out. 

When we saw her, she looked like.. our girl. They said she would look very swollen. And she is a little, but I prepared myself for way worse. She is sedated and lying flat. She will have to lay flat for 3 days, so she will have to be on sedation for 3 days. While she is on Precedex, the drug to help sedate her, she will stay in the ICU. 

So, I guess my girl fought anesthesia hard in surgery. She was "hard to keep down" and she is on the maximum dose of precedex in the ICU. Our little fighter. She kicks and hits and hates being hooked up to all these things. I apologize to the nurses, but... I'm just so happy my girl is still there. THAT is my girl. She doesn't put up with anything she doesn't want to. 

Like her nasal cannula providing the oxygen.. She yelled "I don't like it!!!!" and ripped it off. These nurses will never see "Sweet Vivian" because she hates this place. I don't blame ya, girl. Let's not get used to it. 

She told me my hair was pretty. And she requested milk constantly. I finally was able to give her some water and she tolerated it really well. Her bowel sounds are already active so they'll slowly progress her diet. 

Vivi is in pain, as expected. It's hard to watch, but it was my least concern in all of this surgery. It's nice to be able to just focus on getting my girl comfortable instead of a grim future. They have her on scheduled IV tylenol (which is almost similar to morphine, weirdly enough) and robaxin (muscle relaxer). They put her on a pain pump with continuous fentanyl and a button I can push when she is in pain. She also gets valium around the clock because she can't sit up and wants to. 

Overall, gosh.. it was a hard but great day. The surgery was shorter than I anticipated. The outcome was better than anticipated. And while this is still a huge surgery with a lot of recovery, it had the potential to be the worst day of my life. It's not. 

Thank you for the prayers. We are so fortunate to have the best people in our lives. I can't even begin to imagine how many people were lifting my girl up in prayer. She deserves it.